My interest in magic is not from the armchair, at least not exclusively. I meditate, I do yoga, I attend and perform various rituals by myself and in groups, as well as reading voraciously in occult, pagan, and philosophical subjects and in general religious studies. Why would anyone spend time on such apparently futile activities? From the outside it's all a lot of mumbo-jumbo.
One of the popular answers among ceremonial magicians these days holds that "I'm a trance junkie," or "I'm a ritual junkie," or words to that effect. The meaning is "I derive pleasure from the effects that ritual practices have on me and so I seek them out." This formula would be part of my answer, but I wouldn't characterize myself as a "junkie": I like to modify my consciousness but it's not the central axis of my life and I don't depend on it (at least, I don't think I do).
Many traditional mystics would be appalled at the "ritual junkie" idea. It contrasts with traditional ideals of redemption through spiritual practice and says simply, "it feels good, so I do it." However, many traditionalists also hold out ideals of redemption that fall onto the reward-punishment spectrum, such as eternal bliss or perfect happiness. The simple rewarding nature of spiritual practice, the fact that it induces pleasurable mental states, is the Great Unspoken (or Nietzschean pudenda) of mystical theory. It's a motivation that mystics have always had but wouldn't admit to, or that they held at arms' length by issuing stern warnings against it. If the pleasure principle turns spiritual practice into a kind of masturbation, I would answer that we're no longer so opposed to the art of self-pleasure.
Still I think there is more to spiritual practice than pleasurable diddling. When I first got involved with magic in my mid-teens it had a lot to do with psychedelic drugs. My goal in magic and meditation was to trip without chemicals, and I still enjoy that when it happens (say, from a good hatha yoga session), but I've also come to share the concern that this can be a kind of "spiritual materialism," to use Chogyam Trungpa's term. Getting off is good but it's distinct from and may sometimes even be in opposition to spiritual progress. Even with drugs there's more going on than direct reward through bliss. Basic assumptions about the world and the self are thrown into a different light from which they may be re-examined, where before they were not even recognized as assumptions, but thought to be facts. The process by which we create our personal image of the world is illuminated and the limits of our consciousness are shown to be self-imposed; we are exposed to "other forms of consciousness completely different," as William James wrote of his nitrous oxide experiences. This has the potential to broaden our mental scope, just as travel broadens our social ideas.
Another Great Unspoken about spiritual practice is ego. Just as it's pleasant to one's self-image to be distinctly strong of body, so it is to be strong of mind. The self-esteem benefits of exercise are desirable but they often go too far. I've grown tired of "magic jocks" who measure their self-worth by the intensity of their ritual power. The size of one's muscles is no measure of physical health, and "roaring like a blast furnace" in ritual is no indication of mental health. In fact people can seriously hurt themselves by going ruthlessly for maximum strength. Some strength is good; for some people a lot of strength is good; but health is more a matter of overall balance, flexibility and tone than of ultimate capacity in one area. When someone is devoted heart and soul to a particular system of spiritual symbols there may be a tremendous ritual power in that, but perhaps the system itself becomes one of those unexaminable assumptions, Blake's "mind-forg'd manacles we bear," that spiritual practice ought to be helping us deconstruct. Quietism is a bit namby-pamby but to be a mighty dragon ever thundering also has its problems.
Books You Might Enjoy:
Israel Regardie - The Art And Meaning Of Magic
Sepharial - Primary Directions Made Easy
Eliphas Levi - The Ritual Of Transcendental Magic
Ophiel - The Art Practice Of Caballa Magic
